THE CASH-GATE SCANDAL CRACKDOWN – OPEN PRAYER TO GOD

Dear Heavenly Father,

Please forgive me if by this infinitesimal communiqué I unwarrantedly disturb Your Almighty’s holy attention to more imperative undertakings. I am tempted to believe, however, that my script ignites soaring levels of merriment in you because you knew (even before my grandmother, who gave birth to my mother, was born) that in the course of events, I would this day and this moment be having a tremendously brawny urge to etch this piece.

God, you already know every teensy weensy yoctoscopic detail about the cash-gate scandal waltzing through our country. No single penny filched and no single individual involved can escape the focus of your all-rounder eyes whose field of vision no form of secret can flee. Many Malawians and I, however, due to structural limits you deemed fit to impose on us for obvious practical reasons, are like chickens wandering in total darkness: the precise amount of the stolen public funds and the accurate gamut of those involved, both principals and accessories, are like a gorgeous picture perched on a wall in an unashamedly dark room. 

Government (Heavenly Lord, you have already read my mind and you know I use this word droopily to mean the President, her Ministers and other agents like the Police, ACB and FIU etc.) has initiated an incredibly awe-inspiring onslaught, which, to be fair with words, is replete with venerable ambience, to pummel the cash-gate scandal with justice. However, Lord, unlike to you, the situation to many Malawians and I is like an act of throwing a dice: we do not know whether, after it whirs around chaotically and unpredictably, the dice will ultimately settle down on a 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 or 6. Father, we do not know whether Government, which has invoked the crackdown, is also involved in the scandal and, if it is involved, whether it will aim the blitz on itself too and pull the trigger. 

Lord, if, in your immortal eyes, Government is clean, then it is my most profoundly felt humble prayer that you load gargantuan altitudes of blessings and success on Government and invigorate the crackdown to laudable fruition. In this case, Lord, Government is like your only begotten son, Jesus Christ, who at some point you sent to save humanity. However, if, in your vitally eternal eyes, Government is not dirt-free, then it is my most intensely felt unassuming prayer that you turn around the crackdown, smite down Government and chop it into pieces of ridicule that shall never taste the honour of reverence and adoration from us and the whole of posterity. In this case, Lord, Government is like a father who brutally reprimands his adolescent son for impregnating a girlfriend, when the said father cheats, not only on his wife, but also on all his extra-marital mistresses, and has extra-marital children calculatedly hidden from his wife. You have already read my mind, Lord, and I know you agree with me that, in the latter case, the cash-gate scandal crackdown should be the gravest immoral and depraved act a Government will ever have executed in the history of our Nation.

All glory and honour be unto you, O Lord! 

Yours truly, one of millions of your PRAYERFUL children,

MICHAEL 61 BILLION GOBA CHIPETA, senior. 

Amen!